🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?